Responsive Parenting

The first word that comes to mind when I think of attachment parenting is "responsive". I want to respond quickly and compassionately to my child. Since I'm just at the beginning of my adventures in parenting, this has mostly meant breastfeeding so far. What do you do when an infant wakes up crying? Breastfeed! What do you do when your baby is hurt? Breastfeed! Scared? Breastfeed! Tired? Breastfeed! But for me, responding to my baby appropriately also means ignoring everyone else - the glares, the stares, and the giggles. I'm transgender and I breastfeed because it is what my baby expects and deserves.

My infant doesn't know I'm transgender.

At this point in his short life, my child has no idea that I'm any different from any other breastfeeding parent. He doesn't know that I was born female but took testosterone to transition. He doesn't know that I had chest surgery and that's why we have to nurse using a supplemental nursing system. He doesn't know that while he has two dads, most other kids have a mom and a dad.

What does my baby know? He feels that he wants to be held a lot, although this is beginning to change as he explores the world more and more. He knows that when he nurses, much of his body touches a warm, caring adult body and he is safe. He feels that he wants to suck, A LOT.

So I have to respond selectively to the people around me, which is not always easy. I'm ultra-sensitive to my boy. I try to breastfeed him when he gives early signs that he may want to nurse. I am insensitive to the man in the restaurant who is staring as I latch on my little guy. If I'm feeling brave, I look up and smile at him, but mostly I pay attention to positioning my baby and the SNS. I don't respond to the woman who stares at me or the teenagers who point and giggle. I'm busy. If these other folks are hungry, I'm pretty sure they can go off and find their own food without my help, but my baby is depending on me. He trusts me.

I will always remember the funny looks I've received, while my baby may or may not remember breastfeeding depending on his age when we stop. But he will get through his toddlerhood and early childhood with a strong sense of attachment. He knows that I will always respond.

This post is part of the Attachment Parenting is for Everyone blog carnival, hosted by Attachment Parenting International. Learn more by visiting API Speaks, the blog of Attachment Parenting International.